One word... Surreal... and it still is, a week after baby-P's birth.
Maybe it's the c-section, one moment, baby P's still throbbing around in my tummy, the next moment, she's this pinky little being with a neat flop of hair, all swaddled and lying in the plastic trolley...
The moment I laid my eyes on her, I cannot believe she's mine... she is perfect... immaculately perfect. I have never seen anything like her before... Everything on baby P can't be made any more perfect than God had intended... I was so welled up with emotions (and high on morphine) that I just couldn't make sense of anything...
But I will always remember that smile on her daddy's face... he couldn't wipe it off his face... it was like he just won the lottery... the same smile appeared on her grandparents faces... it was an expression of joy.. pure joy...
Quite frankly, the c-section slit under my bikini line tugs and burns with every single move, but nothing can quite compare to the heartache mothers experience when you hear your baby wail... Even my burning wound, didn't stop me from getting off the hospital bed to hold baby P. The mere thought that baby might possibility come to any harm, can wet my eyes.
But watching baby P grow up day-by-day rewards immensely...
The first time her right eye opens, the first time she smiles in her sleep, the first time she waves her hands wildly in the air coupled with an awkard series of head-twists and crazy footworks when she's hungry...
Not sure if I will be the perfect mummy, but at least I've got the perfect little bundle to start with.... With a little of help from my own mummy dearest and a little blessing and grace from God, Baby P will grow up happy and healthy...
Motherhood is... kinda cool... really!
Monday, October 26, 2009
Almost robbed... well... almost...
After more than 9 months of massive weight gain and swelling feet, finally, baby P's ready to come into this world... through a c-section that is... after all that psyching and planning for natural birth, this comes as quite a disappointment somehow... For a couple of days after the meeting with Dr, L. Ang (Thomson Medical), I can't help but feel... robbed!
Like i was robbed of the right to have a natural birth... somehow, I had co-related natural birth with motherhood... it was like a baptism into motherhood... the final "test" that all (real) mothers-to-be have to pass... a part of a society who wears the badge of natural child-birth that I can proudly wear on my sleeve.
And kid you not, I would have opted for natural birth without the epidural... (I know what you're thinking, but that was what I really wanted). I was all psyched up, and ready to go...
That when life has once again demonstrated its unpredictability... Although natural child birth happens to more than 90% of Dr. L.Ang's patients... I belonged to that very exclusive handful of them who can't....
Well... the pains of being different...
Thankfully the "pains" didn't stay around for long, in less than 6 days, I had everything arranged for my check-in.
The trip to the hospital was kind of unnerving. Escorted by two of the most important people in my life, my mummy dearest and hubby, I don't know what to make of it. I was actually more concerned about making to the hospital in time for the operation.
Waiting for check-in at Thomson Medical took a little longer than expected, we waited at least 35 minutes. And I was scheduled to be checked-in by 11 am... Darn... The nerves...
Then there was all the last minute arrrangements with the nurses, the Cord Life people etc. Then before I knew it, they had me laid out at the operating theatre like a de-scaled fish.
One minute there were lights, clatter and lots of talking, then I got sucked into a state of nothingness, only to be awaken by this gross sore in my entire mid-section. In my semi-concious state, I find it hard to believe that the baby's already out of tummy when THE BUMP is still on me!
As the drugs slowly wear off, a mini state of panic kicked in. I wanted to know where my baby is, I wondered if he / she is really a he / she, I wondered if he / she is healthy, I wondered if he / she is alright....
When my very thoughtful hubby finally wheeled her into my room, one look at baby P made everything seems so worth it...
Seventeen days after her birth into this world, baby P reinforces our decision to have her. She's a real gift, a miracle from God. Her presence not only brighten up my life, she has been bringing much joy and laugther to the rest of the family.
I have only one wish for baby P. I can only pray that she will grow up healthy and happy...
Like i was robbed of the right to have a natural birth... somehow, I had co-related natural birth with motherhood... it was like a baptism into motherhood... the final "test" that all (real) mothers-to-be have to pass... a part of a society who wears the badge of natural child-birth that I can proudly wear on my sleeve.
And kid you not, I would have opted for natural birth without the epidural... (I know what you're thinking, but that was what I really wanted). I was all psyched up, and ready to go...
That when life has once again demonstrated its unpredictability... Although natural child birth happens to more than 90% of Dr. L.Ang's patients... I belonged to that very exclusive handful of them who can't....
Well... the pains of being different...
Thankfully the "pains" didn't stay around for long, in less than 6 days, I had everything arranged for my check-in.
The trip to the hospital was kind of unnerving. Escorted by two of the most important people in my life, my mummy dearest and hubby, I don't know what to make of it. I was actually more concerned about making to the hospital in time for the operation.
Waiting for check-in at Thomson Medical took a little longer than expected, we waited at least 35 minutes. And I was scheduled to be checked-in by 11 am... Darn... The nerves...
Then there was all the last minute arrrangements with the nurses, the Cord Life people etc. Then before I knew it, they had me laid out at the operating theatre like a de-scaled fish.
One minute there were lights, clatter and lots of talking, then I got sucked into a state of nothingness, only to be awaken by this gross sore in my entire mid-section. In my semi-concious state, I find it hard to believe that the baby's already out of tummy when THE BUMP is still on me!
As the drugs slowly wear off, a mini state of panic kicked in. I wanted to know where my baby is, I wondered if he / she is really a he / she, I wondered if he / she is healthy, I wondered if he / she is alright....
When my very thoughtful hubby finally wheeled her into my room, one look at baby P made everything seems so worth it...
Seventeen days after her birth into this world, baby P reinforces our decision to have her. She's a real gift, a miracle from God. Her presence not only brighten up my life, she has been bringing much joy and laugther to the rest of the family.
I have only one wish for baby P. I can only pray that she will grow up healthy and happy...
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